Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Such serious thoughts...

Maybe this one needs a "Preface".

Any of you who know me in real life and not blog life, know that I fully stand on the verse in the Bible about the "joy of the Lord" being my strength. I live with uncontainable joy and an absolute obnoxiously-whole-hearted laugh that pierces hearts (and ear drums). In my writing I try to keep a serious mind, while letting that humor slowly seep out of the woodwork.

The past week have brought so many thoughts and feelings into my life. Things that I haven't felt in forever. I'm sifting through whats real and what I'm imagining and praying that God lends me a tremendous amount of wisdom and direction. I have met a new friend that makes my heart smile, and while I am hoping this turns into more than just a friendship, I am maintaining at the same time, a sense of patience. I didn't want this post to end up being about CinderFella, who has re-introduced into my life the possibility for hopes and dreams I had long packed away.

Several weeks ago I heard someone speak and that made a statement that stuck out in my head...so much so, that I began my quest to actively pursue hope...the quote was "...if you let fear consume your life, you leave no room for hope..."

I don't think I've ever talked about this, but the point I truly began moving on, began simply with a dream. Not only has God equipped me with the great purpose of introducing laughter into everyone I meet, he gives me dreams...lots and lots of dreams. Vivid dreams, prophetic dreams, sweet dreams, etc. I have walked the mountainside with Noah and looked into the valley below, I have seen Shannon's face often when I sleep, I have held the babies my body did not allow me have. I love dreams...they are God's way of blessing you even when you close your eyes and start to sleep.

I had a dream once. I dreamed I held a locket in my hand. I gold circle locket and within this locket, my name and birthday was etched into one side and my husband's name and birthday was etched into the other. This locket was understood to be my engagement locket. Inside this locket there also contained a small glass circle that held a miniature sewing kit.

I woke up asking God what the heck kind of dream was that and when I thought about it, I had an "Aha" moment with God...quite simply I thought of what a sewing kit does...it mends. And then clear as day I heard "this relationship will mend your heart"...I was so impressed with this dream, that I wanted to start this blog and I wanted me holding a locket as my blog header...a reminder each time I wrote that the dream was coming.

It started with a dream.

A dream that there was someone out there, someone who God is forming and fashioning to step into my life, someone who God knows can be trusted with the fragility that is my heart, someone who will be my restoration and my song. I won't even begin to attempt to figure out who this person is. My human mind with its human emotions is so flawed that I will surely fail if I was given the task of finding this person, but God in His great love and sovreignty knows who this person is, and it simply takes me having faith on my part to know and trust that God will reveal this person, at the right moment. And so I wait.

I wait holding onto my dreams and learning new lessons along the way. There is something truly exhilerating and refreshing in waiting. I'm seeing love in a totally new way, with totally new eyes.

"You'll be surprised to know
how far you can go from the point
where you thought it was the end."
- Unknown
"Faith is deliberate confidence
in the character of God
whose ways you may not
understand at the time"
- Oswald Chambers
"Faith is like electrcity.
You can't see it,
but you can the light"
- Unknown
- 1 Peter 1:6

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