Monday, March 16, 2009

How did my Expectations measure up to CinderFella?

And wow.

Take a breath.

Haven't felt this way in a long time.

For the past week since I met CinderFella, on a daily basis, I would try to calm myself down about him, reasoning that he was probably creepy and I was being unrealistic in thinking he was wonderful. I tried everything in me to convince myself to stop being consumed with thinking about this guy. I even blogged about my realization of unrealistic expectations. I settled in my heart that he was just an invention of my thoughts and nothing more.

I was wrong ( ? ! )

I walked into small group saying to my self "he probably won't even be here. he probably is a loser"...I was literally chanting that to myself as a mantra. As soon as I walked through the door, there he was, smiling at me saying hello. And my heart dropped into my knees. In 10 seconds flat I felt like I had drunk about 6 pots of coffee...jittery, shakey, nervous, etc. I have not felt this way in a really long time. (Yeah, try high school?) It was hard to concentrate during the small group, but I kept saying to myself..."focus on God"...at the end of small group we ended up standing next to eachother talking...the subject of food came up and he decided I needed to cook for him and my friends and even suggested days to do it. And then we went to Ihop.

If this blows over I will preciously remember these school girl feelings with a sincere and intense fondness. If something happens with this, I will always have the deepest appreciation for the International House of Pancakes.

2 Pots of coffee, 30 questions, and 2 hours later...my knowledge base of CinderFella went from 5 facts, to actually knowing about him. We had such a fun time playing 30 questions...saying our middle names, favorite place we've visited, nicknames we've had, etc. I sat next to him just soaking in this very precious time, knowing that in this small way, God was slowly starting to restore parts of my life that I had considered forgotten.

I'm gonna leave this soap opera story with two thoughts. The first...a preacher once spoke prophetically over me saying "I (God) will restore things to you that you considered lost". I am fully believing the restoration is starting to happen...slowly, beautifully, gently. It excites me, terrifies me, thrills me. I have hope for tomorrow and I am basking in the sunshine that is my God.

Thought two. This is to my favorite sweet, very caring, very supportive friends...the Rainbow Warrior and Mercedes. Your sacrifice of losing sleep so I could enjoy quality time at IHOP with you and Cinderfella will forever hold a very special place in my heart. I love you two very much, much more than you know at this present moment. You are gifts from God and I don't think its an accident the way things have arranged themselves around us.

"...today my soul is soaring, way over mountains high,
though I can see the valleys, they're all just passing by.
It's not that I'm much stronger, look at my feeble wings.
But I've been lifted higher, Yahweh's lifted me in His own strenghth..."
-"I Need You" by the Swift
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Sadness flies away on the wings of time"
-Jean de la Fontaine
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"Those who wish to sing, always find a song"
-Swedish Proverb
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay tuned for updates to our story...

2 comments:

Brittany said...

I'm not one to say I told you so, but... It's fun, right?! :)

Tonight, I am praying that God's mighty hands hold you close as you delight in His goodness, and in the people that He places in our lives.

Have fun, be blessed, and know you are His bride eternally.

Hugs from a sister in this strange sorority of young widowhood,
Brittany

American Mum said...

I'll be interested in this soap opera!