Ode to the Sunday AKA Fun Day

Saturday night I drove home listening to one song over and over, "Always" by Hillsongs. Theres one part in particular that really got my attention last night "...Can I feel You in the rain? Abandon all I am to have You Capture me again..." It was raining last night which only emphasized the powerfulness of this one particular part of that song. I have been so confused lately about my feelings for CinderFella. I mean, he is wonderful, but we haven't exactly been clicking and its been leading me to a bit of frustration in my life. As I drove home, in the rain, thinking about that song and how God empties us only to be filled again, I could not shake the doubts and concerns I had about Cinderfella.

Later, I laid in bed, my mind a swirling vortex of thoughts and emotions. I could not sleep even if I wanted to, so I just laid there and gave in to the swirly thoughts...thinking thinking thinking. Of course all the normal thoughts popped in...should I blog, what to wear, Cinderfella, altar, Cinderfella, awkwardness, WHAT.

As I sat that contemplating the awkwardness I felt with Cinderfella lately and how things just weren't popping into place with us, I realized that I had neglected to fully give this up to the Lord, I did not fully lay this down on the altar. I had been so convinced that he was my answer to prayer, that I neglected to truly seek God's opinion on this. I laid in bed and began praying that God would truly direct my steps and that I could fully lay this down on the altar, and if it was not meant to be, then I would be fully content in this.

Its funny how, when you do something sacrificial like offer to give up the person of your dreams, God gives you little reminders that your sacrifice does not go unnoticed. Under normal circumstances, I would have woken up the next day down and would have been disheartened because I was slowly starting to realize that it was not meant to be, but instead God arranged a beautiful series of surprises just for me.

First, worship at Sunday School was probably the most intense I have felt it. Which was funny considering we were extraordinarily unprepared. After sunday school I went to meet a friend at Panera to go to a different church and I couldn't find him in Panera, so I went out into the parking lot and also in the parking lot at the same exact time was my best friend, Jessica, who had been in town at a wedding batchelorette weekend. She was on the way home, but stopped off to get something from Best Buy and decided to pop over to Starbucks. She lives over 4 hours away and she did not call me because she thought I was in church, but God arranged it that the both of us were in that parking lot at the same time, just so we could see eachother. The final gift was stepping into the church during worship and they began doing the song "Always"...I was like...hold up. Coincidence? Godincidence? The very song that got me thinking about abandoning everything I am and want simply for God's glory, that was the song they chose to sing.

So it was a day full of beautiful, glorious, unexpected surprises that made my heart so overflowingly full. God's still making beauty for my ashes...in so many unexpected ways.

Theology, Pack-Rattyness, and Promises...

Don't worry...this blog is NOT about theology.

I sit here on the couch beneath piles of books on Calvin, Covenant Theologies, Dispensationalism, and various assorted books on subjects that are too theological for my small brain to even begin to comprehend. I'm not reading these books (if I even ventured into that realm of understanding I would quickly run out as if the building was on fire).

I am sitting here though pondering how wonderful God' mercies and promises are. Constantly being reminded of how wonderful His love is for me and how beautifully it encompasses my very being.

"Not one word has failed of all the good promises He gave"
1 Kings 8:56

Tonight I went through my Bible, reading all the different notes and papers that were nestled inside of it. A few things caught my eye...things that I wrote down right after Shannon died, things that I was clinging to with all my life in hopes of understanding the depth of God's Love for me and His purpose in everything that happened.

I remember sitting down and writing on a piece of paper "What is God calling you to do? Is He asking you to lay your dreams on the altar? Is he asking you to throw your dreams in the trash?" This thought had consumed me for a long time as I thought about the fact that in being a widow, I not only lost my husband but the children I did not have. And in being obedient, I had to lay my dreams on the altar. Flipping through the paper once more I came across this note :

"5/3/2008

Claiming the Promises of Ruth

-Childless, Widow, Moved to a new land

Met her husband and together they began a family that was the predecessor for something amazing."

That was a turning point for me, a place where God gently held me in His hands and reminded me that my time was coming. And while hope fades in and out for me, His promises stay pure, stay true. He never waives in His mercy and love for us. He never fails. He never forgets.

Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. Psalm 126:5

Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Galatians 6:9

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

I am reminded ever so gently and constantly that a) God has a purpose for my life b) God is the restorer and sustainer of my joy and c) God's promises stand true. Just a random blog to voice how much I am in love with God lately.

With a Heavy Heart...

My phone rang this morning and it was my sister. The conversation started with "I have some bad news for you". I asked her on a scale from 1 to 10 how bad, she said "about a 7 1/2". She then proceeded to tell me that someone from our church had passed away. So in honor of this man, I'm going to take time to write my own obituary for him.

On March 24th, 2009 he passed away, leaving behind his beautiful and courageous wife, who has been a constant encouragement to me throughout my own season of losing my husband. He also leaves behind his eldest son and wife, who have been some of the closest friends I've had. They taught me what a marriage should look like and how a Godly family should function, and they offered me support throughout my dating and marriage...offering advice, hugs, laughs, and love. He also leaves behind his younger son and his wife, who also have been some of the closest friends I have ever had the privilege to know. I walked with them during one of the hardest seasons of their life and they walked with me when Shannon died. If ever God designed a family that single-handledly touched thousands of people through each member and their life and testimony - this is that such family. I have been honored to be with these people and experience their loving friendships to the point where I can call them familiy.

I love each and every one of you...and we are sending as much love and prayer your way as we can.

Please join with me in continual prayer for this family and their grieve the loss of their husband, father, and grandfather.

God, Can I take a Vacation From my Life now?

This whole beautiful dance with CinderFella and unclogging some hidden abilities deep within me, such as having a crush, has been one exciting, intriguing, and exhilerating time in my life.

And then tonight happens.

And then I have to tell him about me being a widow.

And then I am screaming to myself "WHAT HAVE I DONE?! I'VE SCARED HIM AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Actually it didn't go like that. But I did have to tell him about me being a Widow and the whole story (at least bits and pieces). He did not freak out, he did not act different...It was me, whose mind went immediately to thinking that now I live in the "Non-Dateable" box. It was me, who immediately began stressing and thinking that he definitely won't ever date me now.

So we will just have to wait and see on this one. I have said that stupid phrase SOOOO much this week.

On another side note, out of 4 nights of sleep I had 3 Lazarus-Shannon dreams. It is reaking havoc on me mentally...draining all my energy. My prayer is God takes these dreams from me...each one I have is only a reminder of how Shannon did not get better, and I just can't bear continually seeing his face, knowing when I wake up he's gone. And then I'm faced with the reality that I am still alone and just wanting desperately to move on with my life.

This is the time where I am clinging to hope with all thats left within me.

But blogworld, don't worry. I'm not falling off the wagon. I'm really doing good...this is just a natural hiccup in the Widow Road. But the great thing about living on Widow Road, is that its not my permanent residency...soon I'm moving to a new place...on Hope Avenue. (My goodness, I sound like a cheesey christian author--haha)
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"Be joyful in hopeful,
patient in affliction,
faithful in prayer"
Romans 12:12
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"A dream is a wish your heart makes,
when you're fast asleep"
-Cinderella

Beauty for Ashes...

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."

—Isaiah 61:3

Sweet beauty for ashes. A thought I hold dear to my very soul. To think...when I think everything in my life is being destroyed, God takes this very thing, the bi-product of something being burned, and makes something beautiful with it.

Lately, I have been intrigued with the concept of beauty for ashes. I remember sitting months ago in the coffee shop at church, talking with my friend Kaleb about how I felt like people thought I was "moving too fast" and not "healing" and he stopped me and said that people cannot judge me for how God was making "beauty from ashes". I have heard Kaleb talk about this subject many times since then, each time making the subject grow deeper in my heart.

I really sit and think about the different forms of fires and ashes and how they can be applied to my life.

Life's Fires:

1. God burning away the chaff, the waste

2. Our living sacrifice on the altar

3. The passion of God burning through us

When we begin to see His face and to want to do His will, He will slowly begin to burn away the chaff in our lives. To remove the waste. At the point where we willingly submit our lives to Him, we lay ourselves down at the altar as a living sacrifice, pure and holy from his burning fire. Once we lay ourselves our the altar, He burns us with a passion for Him.

So after this three part burning process, what is left is simply a pile of ashes. I thought to myself, what are some real life uses for ashes. What I found made me take a step back and say "aha"...

~ Enrich Fertilizer

~ Block Garden Pests

~ Melt Ice

~ Control Pond Algae

~ Make Soap

~ Shine Silver

Think abstract. Very abstract.

After we lay ourselves down on the altar, if all we have left are ashes, how can we allow these ashes to be used? We can get the ground ready for a seed , we can keep away the pests in life, we can melt hearts of ice, we can control unhealthy growth, we can use what we are to help clean people, we can take something very dull and dark and make it shine again.

Something as seemingly useless as a pile of ashes, can be used to make an impact on so many. He can use these ashes that seem so useless and make something beautiful with them.

I want so bad for God to take this pile of ashes that I consider my life and make it something beautiful. I never asked to be a widow. When I was a little girl, I didn't say to myself "When I grow up, I want to be a princess or a widow"... God does not want us to say "where do you want me to go and I'll go", He wants us to say "I'll go, now tell me where". I grew up with thoughts and plans for my future. I wanted to be a wife and have lots of children. Even as I transitioned into adulthood I found these things to be intense desires of mine. Especially to be a mom. So many times I held my friends newborn babies and just cried out to God to be able to hold my own child. At the beginning of 2008, I told God I wanted to be content no matter what. I never once imagined life would take me down the road it did and leave me stranded...a barren widow. But from these ashes...from God removing the waste in my life, to me willingly laying down my life to do His purpose, He is bringing forth something beautiful, something indescribable.

I think...its beauty.

I have so many sweet, wonderful widow friends who read my blog. So many of you touch my heart in such deep ways. And I'm watching God making something beautiful with your life and your sacrifice. I think of E and how I have sat and prayed for her, consumed with compassion for her, and surely enough I am watching God make something so incredibley beautiful with her story that it ministers to my spirit. And many of you wonder, why me?

I cannot answer why you or why me for that matter. But I can say that such sacrifice is producing a beauty so intense and so powerful, I can only sit in quiet anticipation as I watch God's power and light resonate from each and every life.

So remember... He is making BEAUTY from ASHES.

And to keep having HOPE for your future....He has a plan. Otherwise, He wouldn't have specifically chosen you for this task. And if my God, who made the heavens and earth, armadillos and candy canes, Canada and a baby's sweet first laugh...my God who made all of this and more chose ME to specifically be the one He uses...If He CHOSE me, then I know I don't have to worry for a moment about where this road is taking me.

Oh such beauty.

At the Foot of the Cross...

At the foot of the cross
Where grace and suffering meet
You have shown me your love
Through the judgement you received
And you've won my heart
Yes you've won my heart
Now I can
Trade these ashes in for beauty
And wear forgiveness like a crown
Coming to kiss the feet of mercy
I lay every burden down
At the foot of the cross
Where I am made complete
You have given me life
Through the death you bore for me
And you've won my heart
Yes you've won my heart



"At The Foot of the Cross"
Kathryn Scott

Speechless...

I am.

CinderFella has provided me with so much to talk about, so much more that I've had to talk about in a long time. Doubts are flying at my face about the certainty of my future with CinderFella, but my decision to pursue hope would naturally come to this crossroads where I will be tested.

How then shall I proceed?

Well at the moment. I'm not! SURPRISE. I'm gonna sit my suitcase down, sit on it, and just take in the scenery at this crossroads...so I'll remember all the sites, all the sounds, everything I was experiencing at this moment. The thrill of the moment, the excitement, the uncertainty. Its like I was walking down this road and now I'm taking a break to just soak in the sonshine.

There are times when a break is necessary, and while I can't take a break from my life, I can take deliberate moments where I get alone with God and just take Him in. Although, its not like Jesus' 40 days of fasting, I'm trying my hardest to find Him alone with me and rediscover the sweetness in our relationship.
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"When I saw you, I was ashamed.
You were pure and I was stained.
But you ran to me and you called my name
There were tears of joy upon your face"
-"Home" by Phil Whickam
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"You block your dream
when you allow your fear
to grow bigger than your faith"
-Mary Manin Morrissey
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"Don't stop believing"
-Journey

Such serious thoughts...

Maybe this one needs a "Preface".

Any of you who know me in real life and not blog life, know that I fully stand on the verse in the Bible about the "joy of the Lord" being my strength. I live with uncontainable joy and an absolute obnoxiously-whole-hearted laugh that pierces hearts (and ear drums). In my writing I try to keep a serious mind, while letting that humor slowly seep out of the woodwork.

The past week have brought so many thoughts and feelings into my life. Things that I haven't felt in forever. I'm sifting through whats real and what I'm imagining and praying that God lends me a tremendous amount of wisdom and direction. I have met a new friend that makes my heart smile, and while I am hoping this turns into more than just a friendship, I am maintaining at the same time, a sense of patience. I didn't want this post to end up being about CinderFella, who has re-introduced into my life the possibility for hopes and dreams I had long packed away.

Several weeks ago I heard someone speak and that made a statement that stuck out in my head...so much so, that I began my quest to actively pursue hope...the quote was "...if you let fear consume your life, you leave no room for hope..."

I don't think I've ever talked about this, but the point I truly began moving on, began simply with a dream. Not only has God equipped me with the great purpose of introducing laughter into everyone I meet, he gives me dreams...lots and lots of dreams. Vivid dreams, prophetic dreams, sweet dreams, etc. I have walked the mountainside with Noah and looked into the valley below, I have seen Shannon's face often when I sleep, I have held the babies my body did not allow me have. I love dreams...they are God's way of blessing you even when you close your eyes and start to sleep.

I had a dream once. I dreamed I held a locket in my hand. I gold circle locket and within this locket, my name and birthday was etched into one side and my husband's name and birthday was etched into the other. This locket was understood to be my engagement locket. Inside this locket there also contained a small glass circle that held a miniature sewing kit.

I woke up asking God what the heck kind of dream was that and when I thought about it, I had an "Aha" moment with God...quite simply I thought of what a sewing kit does...it mends. And then clear as day I heard "this relationship will mend your heart"...I was so impressed with this dream, that I wanted to start this blog and I wanted me holding a locket as my blog header...a reminder each time I wrote that the dream was coming.

It started with a dream.

A dream that there was someone out there, someone who God is forming and fashioning to step into my life, someone who God knows can be trusted with the fragility that is my heart, someone who will be my restoration and my song. I won't even begin to attempt to figure out who this person is. My human mind with its human emotions is so flawed that I will surely fail if I was given the task of finding this person, but God in His great love and sovreignty knows who this person is, and it simply takes me having faith on my part to know and trust that God will reveal this person, at the right moment. And so I wait.

I wait holding onto my dreams and learning new lessons along the way. There is something truly exhilerating and refreshing in waiting. I'm seeing love in a totally new way, with totally new eyes.

"You'll be surprised to know

how far you can go from the point

where you thought it was the end."

- Unknown

---------------------------------------------

"Faith is deliberate confidence

in the character of God

whose ways you may not

understand at the time"

- Oswald Chambers

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"Faith is like electrcity.

You can't see it,

but you can the light"

- Unknown

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"BE TRULY GLAD.

THERE IS WONDERFUL JOY AHEAD!"

- 1 Peter 1:6

How did my Expectations measure up to CinderFella?

And wow.

Take a breath.

Haven't felt this way in a long time.

For the past week since I met CinderFella, on a daily basis, I would try to calm myself down about him, reasoning that he was probably creepy and I was being unrealistic in thinking he was wonderful. I tried everything in me to convince myself to stop being consumed with thinking about this guy. I even blogged about my realization of unrealistic expectations. I settled in my heart that he was just an invention of my thoughts and nothing more.

I was wrong ( ? ! )

I walked into small group saying to my self "he probably won't even be here. he probably is a loser"...I was literally chanting that to myself as a mantra. As soon as I walked through the door, there he was, smiling at me saying hello. And my heart dropped into my knees. In 10 seconds flat I felt like I had drunk about 6 pots of coffee...jittery, shakey, nervous, etc. I have not felt this way in a really long time. (Yeah, try high school?) It was hard to concentrate during the small group, but I kept saying to myself..."focus on God"...at the end of small group we ended up standing next to eachother talking...the subject of food came up and he decided I needed to cook for him and my friends and even suggested days to do it. And then we went to Ihop.

If this blows over I will preciously remember these school girl feelings with a sincere and intense fondness. If something happens with this, I will always have the deepest appreciation for the International House of Pancakes.

2 Pots of coffee, 30 questions, and 2 hours later...my knowledge base of CinderFella went from 5 facts, to actually knowing about him. We had such a fun time playing 30 questions...saying our middle names, favorite place we've visited, nicknames we've had, etc. I sat next to him just soaking in this very precious time, knowing that in this small way, God was slowly starting to restore parts of my life that I had considered forgotten.

I'm gonna leave this soap opera story with two thoughts. The first...a preacher once spoke prophetically over me saying "I (God) will restore things to you that you considered lost". I am fully believing the restoration is starting to happen...slowly, beautifully, gently. It excites me, terrifies me, thrills me. I have hope for tomorrow and I am basking in the sunshine that is my God.

Thought two. This is to my favorite sweet, very caring, very supportive friends...the Rainbow Warrior and Mercedes. Your sacrifice of losing sleep so I could enjoy quality time at IHOP with you and Cinderfella will forever hold a very special place in my heart. I love you two very much, much more than you know at this present moment. You are gifts from God and I don't think its an accident the way things have arranged themselves around us.

"...today my soul is soaring, way over mountains high,

though I can see the valleys, they're all just passing by.

It's not that I'm much stronger, look at my feeble wings.

But I've been lifted higher, Yahweh's lifted me in His own strenghth..."

-"I Need You" by the Swift

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"Sadness flies away on the wings of time"

-Jean de la Fontaine

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"Those who wish to sing, always find a song"

-Swedish Proverb

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Stay tuned for updates to our story...

Still Unsetlling Distracted...Mr. CinderFella Part 2

This has been the fastest and slowest week I've had in a while. I think after meeting the now infamous CinderFella, my brain has stayed in a mode of perpetual distraction. Which has been somewhat awesome for me...when I get distracted I am able to go into auto-pilot mode at work and I seemed to get ALOT more things accomplished.

My biggest problem this week has been inventing this amazing new life with CinderFella and our amazing (and completely nonexistent) relationship. So funny, I meet one person and suddently I'm ready to be in a long term relationship, even funnier is the fact that he is essentially a stranger and I know nothing about him.

Oh, these beautiful, pathetic, ironic ... Unrealistic Expectations.

Gotta hate them, gotta love them. Expectations are good...keeping them realistic is even better. My mind is teetering on the verge of my expectations of CinderFella and how wonderful he is. I know 5 facts about this guy...thats it.

I am the poster child for having unrealistic expectations.

So God, how does your word say to handle this...

2 Corinthians 10:5b "...we take EVERY thought (even ridiculously outrageous unrealistic ones) and make it captive to Christ..."

I think of Abraham. Promised a child. Jumped the gun because he and his wife were getting too old. It bit them in the butt. But God was STILL good and still faithful to His promise. And he did have a child (actually, he eventually had several). I know God has promised me a new start and another man that will love me, so I stand in Faith and Hope (and with realistic expectations) about how that will all come about. But until then, I'm gonna fight this beast in my mind...send it packing to Jesus, because if its just me fighting these thoughts, I'm no doubt gonna lose.

So to CinderFella...you might be amazing, you might be a creep...but I will never know until I hit the brakes on our Invisible-Non-Existent Relationship, and start thinking more logically. So for now, let me just concentrate on us being friends.

Increasingly Distracted...

***WARNING - THERE IS NO JUDGING ALLOWED AFTER YOU READ THIS POST***

You get married with the mindset that this is the one person for you, for the rest of your life and that you will never love another. Then, if you are the unlucky few, you are thrown into this tumultuous circus known as widowhood and you then find yourself back in the rat race known as...

DATING (DUMDUMDUMDUM - scary movie theme inserted here).

Now, when you first step out as a widow, you live under the umbrella of grief that seems to shield you from the single world. Maybe not an umbrella, a tent? Moving on...your heart is healing from being broken and you are learning how to live without the person who has been your lover, your best friend, your everything. Then one day, curiously, you wake up and you aren't crying as much as you used to. You wake up and realize that the sun is actually shining again. You wake up and realize that you are attracted to other men, and you find yourself wanting to encourage this progress in your life, but still ultimately scared that one misstep and you will just injure your already fragile heart.

I am not that person. I knew that my husband was going to die before he did (it was God, I just know it). I was prepared for it and after he died, I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt that God had a plan for all of it, and slowly in the past year, God has revealed this major revelations to me - revelations about my destiny, my future, faith, love, hope, grief, etc. With all that said, this is what the post is really about.

Monday night I went to a small group we lovingly call House Church. A bunch of college aged kids that get together to do some praise and worship and talk about God. This past week, we had a bonfire and we just had a good time of fellowship. It has been a few months since I've gone to HC, so I knew there would be some new faces. I noticed one face in particular, a new guy...I didn't think much of it when I first got there. We had the bonfire, and we were fellowshipping after P&W and sharing time, and he was making his rounds meeting everyone. He came up to me and introduced himself, and I immediately noticed these piercing blue eyes. He made a joke about how I shook hands (and proceeded to shake my hand, like 4 times). We started talking, asking where we were from, what we did, etc. He was joking with me, talking to me, watching me (with those piercing blue eyes). I noted in my head that he looked a little like Jesus and he had the most soothing voice I've ever heard. I felt like there was a connection with us, but just figured it was me inventing things in my head. When it was time to go, we said our goodbyes and parted ways.

The next day it hit me...I seriously and most definitely was feeling something for this guy. And I felt like it was a two-way street. A friend of mine even remarked that he was like a tractor-beam with me...constantly watching me, and just talking to me. And my heart began to : freak out, get distracted, start distressing. Not because this is seriously the first glimpse of a Post-married relationship, but because I know nothing about this guy. I know his first name, the state he's from, and that he's a seminary student. I have nicknamed him CinderFella.

I'm so confused and distraught over this. Part of me is saying "God is in control, if its meant to be, it will happen" and part of me is saying "FIND THIS GUY AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE!"...I'm reminding myself to stay balanced and really stumbling into a progression of thoughts regarding "dating".

My first thought...the timing of things. I have had such revelations about having hope for my future and not worrying so much about it and then BAM, I meet Mr. Wonderful-CinderFella, who I may never see again. So I'm trying my hardest to stop being so distracted by it and to just trust God.

There I got it off my chest. My mind is a swirly-twirly vortex of confusion and excitement and frustration. Here's a few thoughts to leave you with, just so you can stop worrying about this muddled brain of mine.

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams":
-Elanor Roosevelt

"...In dreams you will lose your heartache, Whatever you wish for you keep,
Have faith in your dreams and someday, Your rainbow will come smiling through..."
-A dream is a wish, from Cinderella

"I waited patiently for the Lord, he turned to me and heard my cry"
-Psalm 40:1

Lord...help me to be patient, and help my confusion!!!!

Actively Pursuing Hope...

This is hopefully going to be a progression of blogs...I am gathering my thoughts and stumbling through some new feelings I have.

I have never been one with a proclivity towards having a strong sense of faith in the unknown. I have had an increasing and alarming rise in hopelessness in my life over the past few months. I could sit and blame it on the timeline of things I was experiencing (aka the one year anniversary), I could blame it on my complete lack of quiet time with God, I could blame it on anything and everything.

But I'm choosing not to blame it on anything, I'm going to stand up and take full blame for this one. In my head I had let a rush of fears come in, clouding my vision of the future, and leading me to a lane of pure hopelessness. I have walked with an intense fear that I will never find love again, I will never have a family, I will always be alone. I let this fear fill me more and more until I reached a crossroads. A crossroads where I could choose to continue in my destructive thought patterns or I could make the decision to Actively Pursue Hope.

So I'm trying. When my fears start to rise or the loneliness overwhelms to the point I feel as if I cannot breath, I push those thoughts out of my head. I am Choosing to pursue hope, to run after it full speed with my arms stretched open, reaching to grasp this beautiful unknown gift I have yet to fully understand, and the more I run after it the bigger it gets in my life. And until the next chapter of my life begins and my hope becomes reality, I am choosing to continue running after it without thought to the unknown I face.

"there is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off"

-Proverbs 23:18

"Once you choose hope, anything's possible"

-Christopher Reeve

"Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all,

is to see life as it is, and not as it should be"

-Don Quixote

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow"

-Albert Einstein

"Don't be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality,

If you can dream it, you can make it so"

-Belva Davis

This is my personal favorite~

"May the love hidden deep inside your heart

find the love waiting in your dreams.

May the laughter that you find in your tomorrow

Wipe away the pain in your yesterday"

-Unknown

For me, having hope for my future is definitely new territory for me. I wish I could pinpoint the exact moment where I reached my crossroads. Maybe it was watching the movie "Yes Man", where the main character who was lonely and living a pathetic life was radically changed when he began to actually try things he never had before. Maybe it was watching a YouTube video of a baby rolling around in its Momma's tummy. Maybe it was watching the show "Say Yes to the Dress", where the show is all about brides picking out wedding gowns. I'm not sure if it was one thing in particular, but through the progression of things in my life lately, I can see a clear, and wonderful future for myself. A future full of love, restoration and Hope!

The more I dive into this subject, the more I'll write...